On passing the first-ever Psychometrician Board Exams

ON GEORGE KELLY AND FAITH

Regin Raymund Dais, RPM

Pamantasan ng Lungsod Ng Maynila 

I was graduated way back in the 1990s, with a wife and three kids, working at two jobs, and in night school studying law. Except for a year as an HR Assistant and my personal circumstances and advocacy, I have never actually practised psychology. So my decision to go for the first-ever Board Examinations for Psychologists and Psychometricians or the BLEPP last October was a leap of faith.

More than being a part of history, I was banking on the chance that the exams might be easy as the Board of Psychology would go soft on the maiden batch. As it was, almost 61% failed. It has been almost two weeks since the 2014 BLEPP and distance in time makes contemplation saner and more sober. With greatest joy, I celebrate with those who passed. With deepest sadness, I commiserate with those who did not.

When I finally got through my application at PRC, I sat down to craft my review schedule. I knew I had only one full month to review. I divided the days among the four subject areas starting with what I thought was the easiest -- Theories of Personality -- then IO Psychology and Abnormal Psychology and finally, Psychological Assessment, which was the heaviest as per the Table of Specifications (40%).

Problem was October was also the end of the semester which meant final exams in law school would be simultaneous with BLEPP. On the first day of BLEPP, I had a final exam in a major subject. I asked my professor if I can take the exams in her Thursday class; fortunately she agreed. On the second day of BLEPP, our office had an event to which I was assigned. I focused on finishing the Abnormal Psych part as fast as I could and having did was surprised at my watch reading just a few minutes after 9, I ran late to the office. Fortunately again, the event finished just before 1 and I was just in the nick of time when the Psych. Assessment part was about to start.

In all these, I cannot ignore a mighty, all-knowing, all-powerful hand. Waiting for the results, I felt that seeing my name among the passers would just be confirmation. Sure, there were doubts that nagged like what if the Scantron machine fails at exactly the time when my answer sheet was on the feed or what if I forgot to shade something like the Test Set (which I actually did on the Abnormal Psych. part when I was in haste but to which the proctor called my attention as I was leaving the room). But I dispelled such thoughts believing "that all things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose."

In short, I passed. As I have passed with flying colors two other board exams although at roughly lesser odds. Friends ask me what is my secret. And I always answer two words. Faith AND hard work. What if I failed? is a tougher question. But I do know the answer. You see, I was almost kicked out due to really bad grades back in college and had my own string of disappointments joining the ranks of the unemployed for some time. These later successes I have proved just one thing: Failure is never final.

Or if you do not believe in God and go by psychology instead, hear George Kelly saying: "the interpretation of the event is more important than the event itself." Indeed, we can either rise and try again, or just roll over and die.

Mission Possible

Day 36: Made for a Mission

This chapter concludes the fifth purpose of our Christian lives, that is, we were made for a mission. God is at work in the world in the present time just as he was in the time of Jesus; and he wants us to join him much as his Son recruited his apostles.

It was refreshing to learn the difference between ministry (our service to fellow-believers) and mission (our service to unbelievers). Thus, our mission is to spread God’s good news of salvation to unbelievers. Indeed, as Warren points out, the word mission comes from the Latin word which means “sending”. God is sending us to the world as a representative of his Son, Jesus. Jesus is our role model as a missionary to the pagan world.

It is uplifting then to realize that as missionaries we are continuing Jesus’s mission on earth. It is a big responsibility for we are in effect being recruited by Jesus himself as if we are one of his apostles. And indeed we are by virtue of our baptism. Yet, in actuality, it is also a great privilege. We are co-workers in God’s salvation plan; thus, we shall also be co-heirs to his Kingdom to come on account of our efforts and by his grace.

In addition, as inherent in any responsibility our lives take on a different value. Our lives are given meaning. We are not just specks of dust animated in the natural world. We become souls working for God and just in transit to a mystical realm. 

But what does it cost to fulfill our mission? Here is the rub. To fulfill our mission require of us acceptance of God’s agenda for our lives. It means abandoning our own agenda. It means trusting God’s and dedicating or surrendering our own lives to be used by him for his purposes. Not ours, but God’s. This is the crux of our free will.

Finally, this chapter is very special to me. I invite you brothers to give special reading to page 287 where Warren intimated his raison d’ etre, his “reason for being” a preacher. His father was a preacher himself and towards the end of his life while fighting against cancer, Warren was demonstrated his dad’s faith. This by far goes to support one of those oft-quoted phrases that the fruit cannot fall far from the tree. The faith of a simple preacher serving in small, rural churches gave birth to the faith of a Rick Warren who now demonstrates to the whole world the glory of God. And he now writes to commission as just as his dad had commissioned him in deathbed: “Save one more for Jesus!”

If there is anything I would like to be remembered for by my children when I pass to the other side, it would be that I introduced them to God and somehow birthed in them the same faith and passion for mission that Warren’s dad had gifted him. If that were so, I shall be so happy watching from above as my children and their offspring save one more for Jesus.

SHAPE

Day 31: Understanding Your Shape

Warren continues in this chapter with elaboration of his SHAPE acrostic specifically on one’s Abilities, Personality, and Experiences.

On abilities, he reminds me us that:

1.   all our abilities come from God;

2.   every ability can be used for God’s glory; and

3.   what we are able to do, God wants us to do.

On personality, he reminds us of our uniqueness down to the molecular level. Indeed, I was struck when he points out that there are far less number of particles in the universe than there are possibilities of our DNA. Particularly insightful was when he affirms the joy we could feel when we minister in a manner consistent with our personality. It feels good to do what God made us to do.

On the variety of experiences we go through in life, Warren usefully enumerates a least 6 kinds: family experiences, educational, vocational, spiritual, ministry, and painful experiences. The last one, he says, God uses the most to prepare us for ministry. I agree. I have experienced this first-hand so many times. Truly, God never wastes a hurt!  I am convinced that my greatest ministry will most likely come out of your greatest hurt. Even now, I feel I am most effective sharing God to my friends and acquaintances when I share with them how God came to my rescue during my painful experiences.

Nevertheless, I am reminded also that in sharing these experiences I must honestly admit my faults, failures, and fears. This is to demonstrate how God’s grace helped us in our weakness. It would be more effective than bragging about our strengths. St. Paul is my model here as he has openly admitted to some weaknesses in his epistles.

In this chapter I have learned that I can be most effective when I use my spiritual gifts and abilities in the area of my heart’s desire, and in a way that best expresses my personality and experiences.  The Question to Consider begs me to re-consider my ability in writing and my contemplative nature. Recently, I have been wont to shun this ability of mine insofar as it does not really translate to economic returns as far as the family coffer is concerned. Now, I am reminded that God has given me this ability to serve his purpose and I am a fool to loathe his blessing. I could probably offer my writing ability to my church as a part of my ministry. It is a talent I must not hide under ground but must share and use to serve God’s purposes here on earth.

Darkness to Light

Day 24: Transformed by Truth

We Christians hold the Bible as sacred. It is the cornerstone of our faith. It is the Word of God. And it has the supreme capacity to transform us to become more like Christ.

But I remember the years of my youth when my faith wavered so strongly to the point that I did not believe the Bible anymore. I doubted its historical accuracy and even its authenticity as coming from God himself. I was thinking it was pure literature – individual accounts of the disciples and therefore prone to errata. Eventually, I even concluded it was pure propaganda by the Roman Catholic Church to propagate its creed throughout history.

In that I know I have sinned against our mother Church, I sincerely admit I have sinned against God. But during those “dark years” I thought I knew better. Anyway, it is heartening to know that Billy Graham himself went through a similar period in his ministry. I am encouraged that my experience is a part of my spiritual growth.

It is crucial that we, as Christians, must first accept the Bible as the Word of God. If the truth were to transform us, we must hold to it as truth in the first place. It must be our supreme authority for our lives, not culture or tradition or emotion or reason. Yes, reason was my compass during those dark years. I thought I could reason my way in to salvation. Instead, I reasoned my way out of the faith that I was baptized into.

I remember my “breakout” from all the confusion when, so tired from my intellectual wanderings, I went down on my knees and asked God to step in. I told him it was becoming evident I could not find the truth via reason. I asked him to make himself known to me. I asked him for revelation.

So he did. And the rest is history.

Now I am before you brothers, writing all these reflections tempered by years of testing and forged in the crucible of doubts. The truth has set me free, and now I am committing myself to setting others free as well.

I cannot thank you so much Dear Lord, for the merciful grace you have extended this once-proud soul. You have set aside my rebellion and welcomed me back into your loving arms like a father would his wayward son. Your name be exalted to the highest O God! Help me Father to abide by your Word as I receive, read, research, remember, and reflect on it. Grant me the fortitude to make the study of your Word a daily habit so that I may grow in wisdom and become more like your Son, Jesus Christ. In your mighty name. AMEN…

The distant God

Day 14: When God Seems Distant

St. John of the Cross called those days of spiritual estrangement from God as “the dark night of the soul”.

I know it all too well… A majority of my years in college and a decade of my prime years before I got married was spent in that arid wasteland of doubt, sinfulness, and angst. Indeed, there were hundreds of times then when I asked God where he was. I even asked if he actually existed. It seemed, it really felt that he abandoned me.

The experience was made even more painful in that I had the luxury (!) of comparison of my childhood especially my high school days. As a kid, I felt God so close by that my kith and kin thought I was going to be a priest. I even thought so myself. In high school, I felt so close to God that I felt that even my puny requests in prayer were being granted. I felt so special and at times, invincible with God.

And then it happened.

Along with my intellectual probity came social consciousness and political concern; then coupled with emotional immaturity, God was being eased out to the periphery. Personal and family problems were the final nails to the coffin of my still juvenile faith and the sky went tumbling down. I became a communist and an atheist.

Dear Father, from how I see it all now, you may have willed it so. Maybe in your fathomless wisdom, you had allowed me to be separated from you. To test and forge me in the fire. For now I realize that I bear the understanding of how atheists and prodigal Catholics feel and what they go through. Having been separated from you myself, maybe you O Lord had seen through the future that I would know how to help troubled souls find their way back again to your loving arms.

Maybe my faith would not have been made stronger as I do believe it is now had I not gone through those dark nights. The mornings after shone brighter after those dark nights. And I do feel now just as my favorite St. Augustine, himself the epitome of a sinner turned saint, that “my heart is restless until it rests in thee, O Lord”.

Never again should I doubt God’s wise and loving design.

The heart of worship

Day 10: The Heart of Worship

My insight in this chapter is that trusting is like an English lesson in tenses. You know, our regrets (past), our problems (present), and our ambitions (future) we should give all to God believing that He is working (present progressive) continuously to sort it all out for us. But before God can do His job, we must surrender it all to Him. And this TRUST is the heart of worship.

Nevertheless, Warren stresses that this surrender must never just be a one-time event. From the moment of surrender, there is the practice of surrender, which is moment-by-moment and lifelong. The challenge for us, therefore, is to make this surrender a daily habit as my favorite apostle, St. Paul, said: “I die (to Christ) daily” (1 Corinthians 15:31).

Indeed, our decision to totally surrender to God will be tested. It is an unpopular, inconvenient, even seemingly idiotic path. Friends, even our families might rail against our utopian dreams as if we thought of them while we were on acid. In fact, we may even feel that we are going against our true selves. And yes, we are. We have changed and it will feel uncanny remembering our former selves would never have thought so.

I am going to confess something. A few months after I became a regular attendee at Feast Manila, I made a covenant with God. I told Him I wanted to serve Him more actively, that is in ministry and evangelization. But I told Him my problem was I also needed to provide for my family comfortably. At that time I was reviewing for the Licensure Examinations for Teachers or the LET (and later the Board Examinations for Real Estate Brokers). So I asked God that He provide for my material needs, and I will serve Him.

The blessings came pouring. I passed the LET and placed 9^th national. And then six months later, I took the Real Estate Brokers Examinations, passed it also, and again placed -- this time Top 10. So now I can broker real estate and/or teach. I cannot, in my wildest dreams, could ever have imagined that I would be achieving this much in my 40s. It is as if God was helping me make up for all my failures in the past and that now He is giving me a present filled with opportunities towards a more glorious future. And it all started with that moment when I surrendered my life to Him in a covenant. So now I am obligated to honor my part of the promise: I am consecrating my life for His glory (thus, my decision to join Radical 4 for starters) even as I endeavor to create righteous wealth so that I can bless my family and the world.

  

Reason for everything

Day 7: The Reason for Everything

We can no more argue for the glory of God than to adore the beauty of the physical universe beyond and the universe within us. If we were to sum up everything to behold we would at once recognize a supreme designer, a Great Architect.

I suspect this is true not just with things as they are, but also with things as they will be. Meaning, events and all of history is God’s handiwork. Good or bad, especially the second one. God has all bases covered.

This is very difficult to understand. Tell that to suffering parents with their child on the throes of death. And this I experienced first-hand.

When my wife gave birth to our youngest, it was very painful for her, for us, to leave our newborn at the hospital, indefinitely. But she had a mysterious condition. Mysterious because the doctors could not give us a proper and conclusive explanation why our daughter could not feed. She was gurgling out my wife’s milk -- all milk actually -- even special formula. And the doctors said if she could not feed, she could well we know what.

And the days went by, turned to weeks – two weeks. I was going back and forth from the hospital to our house to bring with me breast milk in the hope that our daughter would finally feed. My heart broke every time I visited her there in her crib at the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). A tube was put in her mouth so she would not drown in her vomit. I remember asking God why a baby must suffer. God, why allow my child to suffer? Why not just me? Why, in the first place, must we suffer as a family? Did I do so grave a sin to be punished? There are more evil people out there. Why me, why us, why our sinless daughter?

I remember praying in the hospital’s chapel for God to spare our daughter’s life. It was the week before September 8, Feast Day of the Immaculate Conception. The Gospel reading was about Mother Mary’s supreme obedience to the will of God. It was then that I realized I was praying the wrong prayer. At once, I prayed that His will be done. I only asked for the grace and the strength to accept everything. I cried unabashedly that time. So I kissed my daughter goodbye at the NICU. I remember seeing for the first time the other babies there, many of them in more excruciating conditions than my daughter. One had a heart machine monitor connected to him. I learned from the nurses that the baby was left there, abandoned actually for months by his family and that it was the nuns of the hospital sponsoring his expenses. I told my daughter how more fortunate she was.

I remember going to Baclaran that late afternoon. There was a storm then (I forgot the name, I did not care) and there were floods. I waded through the knee-deep floods just to reach the inside of the Redemptorist Church. I prayed the same prayer then and went home. I felt light. I felt it was all right. Come what may. Our daughter was in the hands of God.

My wife was crying when I told her there were no changes in our daughter’s condition. But we agreed to surrender already.

It was a couple of hours before dawn when I was awakened by the ringing of my mobile phone. There were messages from our pediatrician. She was asking me to come and bring with me breast milk. She said our daughter did not vomit anymore that whole night when the nurses fed her. I rode the wind to reach the hospital. And then she sucked milk. I waited. Our doctor said if our baby will not vomit anymore within 24 hours, she guesses she’s already well. And she was.

Up to her discharge, the doctors still could not explain what happened. We did not care. I have learned so much from that experience. Maybe, that’s why I’m here in Radical 4 knocking the door at ministry. Maybe, it was God’s purpose. To test us. To form us. After which, to entrust us. To place in our hearts a mission. All I’m sure was that through the experience God’s glory shone the brightest.* And I have been telling people since then this story.

There is a reason for everything. For me, the reason can only be for God’s glory.

* The doctors, from our pediatrician to the specialists, gave us numerous discounts. Friends and family were giving us money to foot our grown hospital bills (imagine 1. The delivery expenses of my wife, and 2. the hospitalization of our baby) that we had enough for the baptism of our baby the following month. That was the other miracle. 

Temporary only

Day 6: Life Is a Temporary Assignment

I have often been amused by people on the throes of death. For example, a patient with stage 4 cancer waiting for the end. Many of them who have accepted their fate goes through some transformation. There is always that “peace” in them.

What if we wake up one day staring at the same imminence? What if the doctor tells us we have but a month, or a week, or even a day to live? I am certain our perspective of life and things will change all too sudden. But it will be abrupt and it will be too hard for us.

But what if we know from the very start or just early on that this world is not our home and our lives is but a prelude to a new home and a new life that is even eternal? I am sure we will live differently and it will be easy for us to accept pain, sadness and failures in our present lives.

I think this knowledge, this particular wisdom is the blessing of a Christian. We know by faith – we believe that heaven is our real home and that this life is just a temporary assignment. That in the end we will be living with God in all His glory for all eternity.

But still how often we, as Christians, forget this. I forget this every now and then. And so I sin. And so I backslide.

This knowledge that I still have with me some weaknesses serves as my inspiration to seek out greater and more active participation in God’s work. I believe that if I go out of myself and be with kindred souls (Christians and servants all), I will have more grace to carry on with life as a test and a trust.

I will die one day. That I am sure. But if I were to die one day, I’d like to have the confidence that I have a home there in heaven waiting for me and that God will welcome me joyfully. But a home would be much happier if there will be more people in it. I guess that’s the reason why I wish to minister to family, friends and the world out there. So they will also be joining me there in our new village in heaven. And how fun that would be. Forever!

We are not accidents

Day 2: You Are Not an Accident

I can say so many things about this chapter, but I will focus on the part where the text asks Why did God do all this (5^th paragraph, page 24). The answer is given from the Bible. “God is love”. God made us so that He could love us.

If I have read this many years back, I might have difficulty understanding. But now that I have been a father thrice over, I think I am not clueless anymore.

A child is a serious matter. He/she is a concern that demands 24/7.  And that’s not only for a day. He/she is a concern yesterday, today and tomorrow. A child is a commitment. Despite all these fearsome responsibility, why do we parents co-create a child once, twice, thrice?

I remember one night when my children were sound asleep and I and my wife were just starting over our family. The children came one after the other (I didn’t know why or maybe I did) and it was really hard on us couple then. But seeing them lying there so peaceful and so immaculate, I couldn’t stop my tears. I felt so blessed. Blessed that I felt that feeling. That feeling that could only be love. I knew then that I would do everything in my power to take care of them.

God said “I made you and I will take care of you” (Isaiah 46:3-4). I said that, too, to my children that night. I knew they were not accidents.  

Alpha

Day 1: It All Starts with God

The philosopher B. Russel’s quip got my attention at once. Not only did I relate with what he said about life’s purpose being meaningless unless one assumes a God, I actually felt from where he was talking. I was an atheist myself.

Yes, I was an atheist at one period in my life. Make no mistake: I was born and raised a Catholic. But somehow the twists and turns of life – maybe the harsh rites of childhood, the confusion of my youth, and the angst of early adulthood got into me in a way that I was not able to cope.

But the Lord, in His overflowing mercy, brought me back to grace. The same rites, confusion, and angst brought me back home like the Prodigal Son. The records of those years when He called me back may seem spotty to my memory now, but I will never forget the first blasts of epiphany. Especially so that one of the Aerosmiths’ song was the hit then. A line says: “It’s amazing when in the wink of an eye, I finally see the Light.”

I saw that Light, and though I struggled to carry that Light since then and until now, the Light never left me. Little by little, I felt the burning desire to shine that Light to others who are still in the dark as I used to be.

Secondly, the first line of the PDL is shocking even to me. “It’s not about you.” To read or hear that one is to turn one’s conception of reality on its head. Or on anybody’s head for that matter. And the follow-up is as shocking: that we were born by and for His purpose.

Fast-forward many years later, now I have my own family and despite all my various concerns in work, I still feel a deep void. Like something remains to be done. The same grace that brought me the light of day enlightened me that the void can only be filled by God.

Indeed, as for me – now and forever – life (itself) IS meaningless without God.

Finally, the radical journey starts

It all starts here. Finally.

Finally, I am finding the courage and I make the choice to speak up. At least in virtual space, for starters. Soon, I shall go all out and share God's love more actively. I shall make the choice every day. I may fumble along the way, go through some ups and downs, backslide every now and then. But I will commit to pursue the path the Lord has prepared for us. My goal and my dream: to be a citizen of Heaven (to borrow from Nick Vujicic).

But first I have to backtrack a bit.

This blog is an aftershock of my Radical Journey with the Lord during the summer of last year. Since then I struggled to delay the inevitable. But I feel the Lord summons me now and He gives me this strength to give glory to Him. As my dear wife has always reminded me: I should not turn my back on the gift I was given.

My thanks to Daddy Obet Cabrillas of Feast Manila and of course, Brother Bo Sanchez who started it all.